RETIREDTada! More Directions From Ash!
by The Long Name Ending In Cookie
Summary: What is happening here? Oh, I'm just actually uploading something FINALLY. It's a sequel to Ash's Amazing Directions and it's funny... I think. Anyway, my advice: read it and eat bananas.


21st Century Vulpix presents  
  
TA-DA! MORE DIRECTIONS FROM ASH!  
By PinkScyther  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: Blahdy blah blah, you all know what I don't own.  
  
After rereading "Ash's Amazing Directions", and remembering how popular it was, naturally I decided to make a sequel!!! Plus, there is slightly more plot to it!!! Have fun!!!  
Started: 13/11/01  
  
  
*it begins... PinkScyther is wandering around with a blindfold on, while her Pokémon and one Digimon dance around her*  
  
PINKSCYTHER: Marco!  
  
EVERYONE ELSE:   
  
PS: Marco!  
  
EE:   
  
*three hours later*  
  
PS: Aw, this is impossible!!! *lightbulb pings on over her head* Hmmmmmmm... Oh, Ash?  
  
ASH: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!... I mean, how did I get here?  
  
PS: Never mind. I need DIRECTIONS!!! *mass cheer from AAD fans* *mass booing from AAD non-fans*  
  
ASH: Oh, okay!  
  
ASHES AMAZING DIRECTIONS MARK II: SET I  
How To Find One Of The Pokémon/Digimon in 10 Easy Steps While Blindfolded  
  
1. Spin around in circles 40 times  
2. Sing the entire soundtrack to "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"  
3. Rediscover the incredible fun of wheelbarrows!  
4. Run around the entire earth twice backwards and once forwards  
5. Drive to your nearest hunting grounds on a ride-on mower  
6. Do two doughies on your mower, then jump off and piggy-back it 100 kms whichever direction you're facing.  
7. Scream "SOMEONE'S IN MY HOUSE!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!"  
8. Dump your mower on the ground and stomp on it  
9. If you completed step 8 correctly it should turn into Cordelia and say "You are the weakest link. Goodbye!"  
10. It will chase you to...  
  
ASH: Why are we in the Universal Studios?  
  
PS: *disoriented* Never mind where we are, where's Thunder? Or Cutie? Or Gomamon? Or--  
  
ASH: Um, they're um, running away! Yeah that's it, running away. In um, that direction! *points upwards* We better follow them!  
  
PS: Oh, okies then.  
  
ASHES AMAZING DIRECTIONS MARK II: SET II  
How To Get To Wherever The Pokémon/Gomamon Are Going In 15 Easy Steps  
  
1. Eat a cigarette lighter  
2. Go forwards one hour and wait one kilometre.  
3. Dance to "Shalala Lala" (by The Vengaboys)  
4. Run in the direction the wind is blowing for 10 kilometres  
5. Turn into an Umbreon  
6. Grow wings  
7. Turn into Homer Simpson  
8. Find 7 strangers and get them to line up in a line.  
9. Then go up to each of them in turn and ask "ARE YOU DRUNK?" 3.5 times.  
10. Dig a hole to the other side of the earth  
11. Dig a hole to the other side of the universe  
12. Jump into a supernova  
13. Tie a plastic clothespeg to the pig  
14. Cut off your wings then fly towards the sun  
15. Bite ten parking meters in half and you should be in...  
  
ASH: ANTARCTICA?!!!  
  
PS: Gee, it sure is hot here! Which way now Ash? *grabs an Eskimo* HAH! Is that you Gomamon? *gets speared by the Eskimo's spear* Ooh, that's gonna hurt tomorrow...  
  
ASH: *sweatdrop* Uh... let's go north a bit... or is it west?...  
  
ASHES AMAZING DIRECTIONS MARK II: SET III  
How To Get To Wherever The Pokémon/Digimon Have Gone In 10 Easy Steps  
  
1. Chew up a CD by either Ronan Keating or Faith Hill  
2. Bite a Meowth's toenail  
3. Follow the grey concrete bike track until you come to a combine harvester that resembles Bill Clinton crossed with a Furby  
4. Go seven steps south-east and you should find a ride on mower that looks exactly like your maths teacher  
5. Ride the mower until you reach a podium with Hampton the Hampster standing on it.  
6. Worship him and he will reward you with the tenth Jiggy and the words "Don't pick it, you'll only make it worse!"  
7. Save your progress  
8. Steal Ashes backpack and throw it over the horizon  
9. Then while he's looking in the general direction you threw it, steal his hat  
10. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...and you should be in...  
  
PS: I like marshmallows!!!  
  
AS I was saying, you should be in... *silence* ASH!!! THAT'S YOUR CUE!!!  
  
ASH: Huh? Oh, right, um... somewhere... PinkScyther stole my hat! Urge to kill rising, rising...  
  
PS: Uh-oh...   
  
EXCLUSIVE: PINKSCYTHER'S AMAZING DIRECTIONS! FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!  
How To Escape An Incredibly Infuriated Ash In Only 2 Easy Steps!  
  
1. Hey Ash, look over there!  
2. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
And now, back to your regular broadcast. Your call could not be connected. Please try again after the tone. Remain seated until we have come to a full and complete stop. Wipe your feet! Have a bad day. *clonk* Um, have a good day? *whack* oh right...  
  
ASHES AMAZING DIRECTIONS MARK II: SET IV:  
How To YET AGAIN Attempt To Find The Pokémon/Digimon In 20 Easy Steps  
  
1. Chase PinkScyther  
2. Chase PinkScyther  
3. Chase PinkScyther  
4. Chase PinkScyther  
5. Catch her when she hits the tree and reclaim your hat.  
6. Urge to kill falling, falling...  
7. Spin around in circles  
8. Sit on a frisbee and throw it  
9. If step 8 was correctly executed, you should land in a snake pit  
10. Take the three fishing lures on the ground and throw them into the toaster  
11. They will morph into a 10 dollar note. Set it on fire and you will be teleported to Sydney.  
12. Whilst in Sydney, enjoy Hubert's Hot Dogs!  
13. Become reunited with the most sacred of wheeled transport: Gary's Wheelbarrow! (A/N you thought you'd heard the last of that, huh? MWAHAHA! NEVER!!!)  
14. Do wheelies in it in an easterly direction  
15. While in the east, pick up the yeast, have a feast, eat the least, and then vow NEVER to compose poetry again.  
16. Run ten steps forward, ten steps to the right, and you will come to a TV.  
17. Say the password "wheelbarrow" and you will then watch the following scene on the mirror opposite the TV.  
  
Scene: PinkScyther's Backyard.  
  
THUNDER*:   
  
SLASH**: I agree... *to all the other Pokémon and one Digimon* Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend me you ears! *no response* hmm... OI!!!  
  
ALL: *look up*  
  
SLASH:   
  
THUNDER:   
  
SLASH: I was telling them that you 'n me reckoned PS had been away too long and maybe we should split up and look for her.  
  
THUNDER:   
  
SLASH:   
  
Now back to your regular broacast. Your call could not be (SMASH CRASH WHACK BANG SOUND FX)  
  
18. Run towards the horizon until you reach a carpark.   
19. Chew the tires off five Holdens, 7 Fords and one other car of your own choosing.  
20. The car owners will chase you to...  
  
ASH: *EXTREMELY tired out* I don't believe it! We're back at...  
  
PS: My house? I knew it, it's the most classic plot twist!  
  
ASH: No, actually, Bermuda... now what was I supposed to remember about this place? Oh yes, this was where Brock grabbed me and mailed me to the moon in the first directions story... I was standing on the exact same spot as PS is now in fact...  
  
*suddenly, for no real reason at all, Brock jumps out again and puts PS in the envelope this time, then slaps on the stamp and mails her to the moon, giving everyone deja vu*  
  
ASH: OW! OW! Deja vu HURTS!!!  
  
BROCK: No, that would be the crab on your brain.  
  
ASH: What brain?! I mean, what crab?!  
  
BROCK: *laughs*  
  
*far away, on the moon*  
  
PS: *to a bunch of aliens* ...and that's how you play Marco Polo.  
  
ALIEN LEADER: Neep neep, neepity neep neep neep. (Translation: Thankyou O strange earthling. Now we will beam you back to earth in return for you giving us the secret to your superior knowledge, as we promised.)  
  
PS: Thanks Stan! See you around sometime.   
  
*lands back on earth, and kids may sleep unsoundly in their beds, because the world is now a less safer place in which to live, thanks to the return of PinkScyther (and Ashes directions)*  
  
  
THE END  
  
Finished: 16/11/01  
  
*Thunder: a Raichu  
*Slash: a Scyther  
  
Thankyou everyone for coming, have a nice day/night/dusk/dawn/afternoon/IT lesson. Now for a serious message (AAAAAAH!!!): please if you are kind enough to review, email me just to let me know that you have, please!!! I'm pinkscyther@hotmail.com . 


End file.
